The best model I've seen to explain the cycle of addiction has six stages.  For the purposes of this post, we'll stick to the context of pornography and sex addiction, but the underlying psychology applies to almost any addictive behavior, including smart phones, alcohol, eating, TV, exercise, work and social media. 

In some ways, we are ALL addicted.  Perhaps to varying degrees, but each of us no doubt exist somewhere on the spectrum of addiction.  Social psychologists have long agreed that the American culture in the past decade has become "the most addicted culture in the history of mankind."  As a society, we exhibit all of the traits of an addict... it's simply that we are swimming in an ocean of addicts who act and think as we do, embracing the social norms of addiction... just like everyone else... so it's hard to spot if you don't know what to look for.

This makes it difficult to rightly assess our own addictive tendencies, but believe me, they are most certainly present!  There is not a single client I have ever worked with who did not, after quality training and introspection, discover an addiction in their life.

So I encourage you to set aside your own defense mechanisms and embrace a mindset of openness to the idea that SOMETHING in your life has become in some way an addiction... no matter how small, it's there.  

With a sense of curiosity and openness, let us now venture into the Cycle of Addiction.

Stage One – Triggers

Triggers are events that activate thoughts, feelings and sensations from memories of other events.  Typically, there are certain characteristics that both the present stimuli and the original stimuli have in common.  It can be as simple as an image, a fragrance, a certain taste, particular words or even a facial expression.  Whatever the current trigger was, it activated a memory that has coded information.   This is what happens when people feel as if something, quote,  “took them back to another time and place.”

Stage Two – Fantasy

After being triggered, the natural response of the limbic system is to Seek Pleasure and Avoid Pain.  Over time, the brain’s repeated attempts to find quick-fix solutions often puts us in a position where one particular behavior is chosen as the “drug of choice” and drowns out all other options for soothing.  After being triggered, the limbic system begins to fantasize about the benefits of the quick-fix drug of choice, while suppressing awareness of the negative impacts it will have.  The primary function of fantasy is to escape or numb out the pain or discomfort of the present reality, instead focus on the pleasures of an idyllic future.

Stage Three – Ritualization

Once the fantasy has fully taken hold, it gives birth to Ritual, which is when the brain activates a string of behaviors that move the addict out of fantasy and into reality.  Interestingly, the euphoria experienced during the Ritual phase is almost always MORE appealing than the actual acting out behavior itself.  Part of the reason is that the ritual phase provides the euphoric high without the consequences of fully acting out.  As such, addicts try to prolong this stage as much as possible.

Stage Four – Acting Out

If you’ve never identified addiction in your own life and worked the recovery process, it would be easy to assume that the goal of an addict is to act out.  Surprisingly, the truth is that the goal of addiction is not to act out, but to numb pain..  Because stage four actually brings a close to the euphoria of stages two and three, the addicted brain seeks to AVOID this stage as long as possible.

Stage Five – Avoidance

After acting out, addicts are flooded with shame and the brain seeks to minimize this new added pain by creating emotional distance.  It’s common for addicts to use techniques of justification, minimization and blame-shifting.  Basically, the shame and anxiety are so overwhelming that DEFENSIVENESS kicks into high gear as a protection mechanism.  It’s how the brain wards off the crushing experience of the stage six as long as possible.  Eventually though, reality creeps through even the strongest defenses and the addict is forced to move on.

Stage Six – Despair

When the walls of defensiveness finally give way, then addicts enter Despair as the full force of reality comes crashing in on them.  Only now, in addition to the original pain that started them on this cycle, they now have ADDITIONAL discomfort due to having just acted out as well.  This brings on a new wave of shame, anxiety and even depression. While in stage six, addicts can sometimes experience genuine remorse, but most often it is shame-based and not empathy-based.  Without the help of recovery groups, therapy or a sponsor, genuine remorse is rare.

In next week's post, we cover how to BREAK the cycle of addiction.  Certain stages will be easier to exit the cycle, while others are basically impossible to exit.  You'll also learn how the cycle becomes viscous and an ever tightening noose around the addicts mind and heart.

If you want a free 24 mintue expanded training on the Cycle of Addiction,  

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