Odds of Marriage Recovery

In a recent post, we explored the odds of personal recovery according to the sower parable in Matthew 13.  But what about the odds of marriage recovery?

While the math here is obviously simplistic, 18 years of real-life data looks quite similar.

Though the odds are bleak, couples willing to trust the process and do the hard work are in luck... it is absolutely possible to create a marriage better, healthier, stronger than ever before!  Read carefully to the end to find out how.

The Individual

Let's begin by reviewing the four soils types in Matthew 13, which represent a person's ability to receive and respond to truth.

The parable presented a 1/4 chance of someone reaching maturity and producing a harvest to bless others.  In other words, each individual has a 25% chance of doing recovery well.

The Marriage

Since marriage is comprised of two individuals, the odds for their relationship is determined by combining their individual odds.

Let's use a visual to make this easier, placing "him" at the top, "her" on the left and see how things stack up.

Notice how the limiting factor for the relationship is the individual with the lower health.

Also notice that for the marriage to be "good soil", both spouses must individually be "good soil".  Anything less, by either spouse, means less for the marriage.

The odds of both spouses being "good soil" is only 1/16, just 6.25%.

This should be a serious wake-up call for BOTH spouses to fully engage their PERSONAL recovery work if the marriage is to survive.

Flourishing

While some couples are content to simply survive, the approach at Marriage Recovery Course helps couples go far beyond survival and experience true flourishing.

Recall that the parable described three sub-groups of "good soil", each with different returns... only one of which reached maximum returns (100X) and flourished.

Let's zoom in on the bottom right corner (Good/Good) and discover yet another staggering reality.  This time though I'll be generous by averaging the scores, rather than using the limiting value.

Notice how only 1/9 of couples who survive betrayal and addiction recovery, reach the 100x sub-group and flourish.  That equates to just 1/144 couples or a paltry 0.7%!

Summary

The odds are highly stacked against marriage recovery after betrayal and addiction come to light.

While individuals have a 1/4 chance, marriages only have a 1/16 chance of survival.

However, the odds of a marriage flourishing after betrayal and addiction are a measly 1/144... just 0.7%.

While these numbers are over-simplified and based on a biblical parable, real-life data collected over 18 years in recovery has revealed outcomes that are eerily similar.

Now What?

These odds make me feel sad and angry!   I want couples to flourish and refuse to be a part of helping marriages fail by aligning singularly with one spouse at the expense of the other and the marriage system.

This is why I became a Marriage Recovery Specialist, not just a sex addiction or betrayal trauma specialist.  I address the entire complex mess from every angle possible and regularly help couples reach that Top 1%.

Countless men and women have used my holistic, balanced and compressive approach to join the elite group of 100X'ers and are now changing generations to come.

If that's the quality of marriage recovery you want, MRC can get you there.  Enroll now.

Marriage Recovery Course

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