Fast, Cheap or Quality?

Navigating recovery involves a tension between time, cost, scope and quality summarized by the project management triangle above.  

While all four variables can limit the degree of final health and healing, one in particular has the power to destroy a marriage after betrayal, addiction and infidelity.

To fully appreciate which one and why, we must understand the full picture.

Basics

To maintain quality, changing one side requires adjusting the other two.  For example:

• Completing a project faster requires lowering the cost and scope.
• Expanding the scope requires increasing budget and time.

Said another way, "You get what you pay for," and the currency is time, cost and scope.

This holds true for couples repairing a fractured relationship.  A quick fix (minimal time) will require minimal scope and cost.  In contrast, holistic healing (large scope) will require significant time and cost.

The same applies to individual spouses regarding the time, cost and scope of their personal recovery.  Both must individually decide the scope and quality of their own healing regardless of their spouse's choice.

Resistance

When couples first learn what it takes to fully overcome Intimate Partner Betrayal, some make comments like:

• "It'll cost too much."
• "I don't have that much time."
• "That sounds like really hard work."
• "It's his problem, I don't want to get involved."

Each reveals resistance to one or more sides of the triangle.  Each limits the quality of the final outcome.

Commitment

In contrast, some couples make comments like:

• "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to save my marriage."
• "I'll do anything, just show me how to heal from this betrayal."
• "I'm done fighting my addiction alone; I'll trust the process, no matter how hard."

Each demonstrates a high degree of commitment to do whatever it takes to fully heal by embracing all three sides of the triangle.

These couples trusted my expertise, invested in the process and experienced radical results.

Balancing Act

Because available resources vary between couples, even the most committed have to make strategic decisions to balance all three sides of the triangle. 

Some have more time and less money, while others have more money and less time.  Some value deep transformation, while others are content with a half-baked recovery.

To strike a manageable balance without compromising quality, couples have adopted a variety of approaches:

1. Weekly therapy parallel to working through the Marriage Recovery Course.
2. Monthly therapy parallel to working through the Marriage Recovery Course.
3. Work through the Marriage Recovery Course before starting therapy.

While even the most successful couples adjusted time and cost to accommodate their situation, none of them were willing to sacrifice scope and quality.  Here's how they navigated the challenge:

Time - "The clock is ticking"

Like an ER patient, a marriage hangs in the balance after betrayal, and swift intervention is critical for survival.  Working through recovery too slowly can result in the death of a relationship.  

For a season, most successful couples pause all non-critical activities like hobbies, volunteering, travel, Bible studies, etc., enabling them to maximize progress in minimal time, reducing the risk of divorce.

Conversely, they also learn to view the recovery process as a lifelong process of pursuing holistic health after the crisis has passed, resulting in flourishing neither had dreamed possible.

Cost - "Nothing of value is free"

Professional care is consistently rated as the #1 contributor to overall healing for both unfaithful and betrayed spouses.  It is also the most expensive.

Choosing cheap often means lower quality, slower pace (more time) and higher risk of divorce; choosing expensive does not guarantee higher quality, less time and lower risk of divorce. 

The Marriage Recovery Course is the best of both worlds by offering 40+ hours of professional care built for the top 5% of marriages seeking recovery at less than 1/10 the cost of in-person session.

Scope - "How far will you go?" 

The strongest determiner for the degree of healing is scope.  Adjusting time and cost are easy compared to the heart-level buy-in required to increase scope, thus becoming the linchpin of marriage recovery.

Either intentionally or unintentionally, people limit the scope of their recovery and forfeit the beauty of radical transformation through third order change (COMING SOON).

The broader the scope of recovery one is willing to explore, the greater the time and cost will be.

Worth It?

So what motivates someone to invest more time and money into a project with an ever-increasing scope?  Simple... they value the results!  In other words, the quality and quantity of healing are worth the cost (time and money).

Some couples place low value on personal and relational health, so they invest little time and money to address a small scope, settling for minimal healing.

Some couples place high value on personal and relational health, so they invest significant time and money to address a large scope, experiencing maximum healing.

So what do you want your future to look like?  How much healing do you want for yourself?  For your spouse?  For your marriage?

The Marriage Recovery Course is designed to maximize healing while minimizing time and cost.  It provides the highest quality care using a balanced, holistic approach to relationship repair after betrayal.

If you're ready to maximize healing while also minimizing time and cost, then click below to learn more: 

Maximize Healing,
Minimize Time & Cost 

RELATED:

• Odds of Personal Recovery
• Odds of Marriage Recovery
• Is Your Recovery "Half-Baked"?
• "Pinch Me, Is This For Real?"
• What is Third Order Change?
• What is Betrayal Trauma
• What Is Most Helpful For Addicts In Recovery?
• What Is Most Helpful For Betrayed Partners In Recovery?
• "Traumatized By Counselors & Pastors"