Choosing Sobriety was Choosing Death

The first step of many steps to overcome addiction is to establish sobriety.  While sobriety does not mean a person is well, it does afford the mental and emotional space needed to identify underlying issues without the numbing affect from the drug of choice.

Oftentimes, the idea of removing such "tried and true" numbing agents creates a sense of terror and hopelessness for the addict who lacks alternative coping mechanisms. 

Below, one man shares his experience facing the daunting prospect of pursing sobriety and the "deadly" results it would have.

Choosing Sobriety was Choosing Death

Pornography and masturbation was the crappy structure that I had built to withstand the pressures and weight of the world. I knew it was ultimately going to hurt me and my family. But It was all I had. I had learned no other way to bear the weight of life growing up. During my sobriety journey, it quickly became apparent that I couldn’t just find another way to fix the shoddy structure that surrounded my life. I quickly realized that removing pornography and masturbation would likely be the cornerstone that would bring the whole thing down.

I remember talking to a friend who had been through a similar journey in the midst of recovery and telling him how I had absolutely no hope. I knew something was different this time, but all the new resolve and desire for freedom didn’t give me hope or passion. Really, It only gave me a sense of deep sadness and fear. Like I was doomed to stand by idly while I watch the life I had built crumble around me in slow motion. My friend understood this feeling and, importantly, didn’t try to give me any hope or reassurance. He simply said he’d have hope for me.

The resulting next few months of sobriety were exactly as I expected. The weight of the world came on me and was crushing and suffocating. I knew in my core that I couldn’t survive it. But, the amazing thing is that every day I woke up and worked through it. Every new day was a new lesson I was learning. The loud voice that said I wouldn’t survive this, got quieter every day because the whole me started to realize that I might, in fact, survive this. Yes, the world I knew lie in shambles around me, but I didn’t mind. All of a sudden, I could start to build a new life with a stable foundation.

I started a brand new relationship with my wife, one that was built on honesty and honor. A new relationship that has shown more passion and connection than all of the previous years combined. I became a father that took every opportunity to teach my boys how to work through negative emotions instead of running from them. I also became a brother to all the men around me with deep empathy. I know that the choice to stop a sexual addiction seems obvious, but in the same sense, deadly.

To the brother who is trying to find a way out of addiction, I can only say that I understand that it looks like there is no hope for the future. I understand that feeling, and you don't need to have hope on your own. I will have hope for you.

To hear more about this and other hot topics of addiction, betrayal and recovery, click below to listen to an interview between two couples who experienced radical transformation due to the Marriage Recovery Course.